NEWARK — Returning to New Jersey for his 30th high school reunion, DeFarra Gaymon had the kind of life one would not mind describing to old friends: he was a C.E.O., married, father of four. But Mr. Gaymon, who was in the Chess Club, the French Club, the Italian Club and the student coalition at Montclair High School, never made it to the party on Friday night at the Crowne Plaza Meadowlands.