Kevin Says:I have now joined the ranks of the unemployed.

 

I have now joined the ranks of the unemployed.

One of those figures that I have been watching up on john kings screen on CNN, for the past few years.

Unemployed, out of work, broke, falling……..

What ever

I live by the saying

“That when one door closes another one opens”.

That has been my truth for years and.

I will die by this motto.

Anyway

It still hasn’t sunk in……….not yet.

But today was my last day of work, the last days of Hawkins St

And teaching art.

It’s been a hard year; many of the more experienced people saw the writing on the wall,

When a republican got into office.

Anyway the last day.

I rode the bus looking at all of the things that I had looked at so many times before.

I rode these buses so much that I knew the drivers and most of the faces of my fellow travelers.

Taking in the smells of the people, places and things that had been a part of my life for so long.

I got to the school, knowing that this was my last day. Willing myself to be strong,

Hey I have left jobs that I worked on for 20 years and survived.

I can endure this

I get into the cafeteria which is my programs home base and the boss and my friend were sitting there. We all tried not to look into the others eyes, for a fear of what we might see.

We talked around each other

I went to the windows and looked out on the playground, as if for the first time.

I could see all of the life that the spring brings 0ut in our youth.

And it turned me back to my boyhood in Elizabeth, summertime in the 1960’s stick ball and touch football in the streets.

I looked out and felt…………..well old……….

It Turned me back……………………….. And around ………..

I walked the hallways saying good bye to old friends.

I took a minute to talk to the security guards and janitors, my group of black men. That chew the fat during the work day, and stand up each other.

We looked around and through each other.

The head guard had been calling me jokingly the angry man

He says I am always bitching and moaning

And he laughs hysterically the more I bitch

I spent a lot of my day telling him what to expect when he shortly turns fifty.

I make him howl with laughter

When I describe his upcoming plight of aging

He shouts out

Angry man

Angry man

When ever I am passing by

Angry man

I am going to miss you, you always brightened my day, and you said some things that I can’t stop sharing with friends and family.

We got a bit mushy,

But black men don’t cry

Walk away

Walk away

I went out back to smoke a cigarette

And was soon surrounded by a group of six 12 o 15 year old boys

They had been hanging out at a house next door with a group of girls

They run over to torture me

Boxing, pushing, playing

Hey ole man

Buy me a black and mild

No I tell them in a deep voice

One of the worst things I ever did in my life was smoke.

It’s the nastiest of habits,

Puffing away

Why do you smoke?

Because I can’t stop it’s my weakness

My cross to bear

Besides I am old, we didn’t know what cigarettes do to you

I sound like a hypocrite ……….

Not at all

But they get it

And stop asking

I turn into grandpa

And then they all get manners

One of the kids

One from South America, Ecuador that I barely

Knew

Looked at me and said

Mr. K

You got a cool voice

I hope my voice is as deep as yours when I am grown

I almost lost it

The tears welled up in my eyes and I fled

Then I knew what I had been to these young me

Knew and felt the weight of what it was

A role model

An intact male

A ex cop

An artist

A man

A teacher

I knew what they had been to me

The gave my life and my experience a place

They made me feel needed

They made me know how easy

It is to change

Help

And nurture a young mind

They showed me the truth of teaching……….

In a place when it is appreciated

I fled in side

And began looking to close at the faces

Of these kids That I taught and had grown to love

Tears welled up in my fat puffy old man eyes

And then I got pissed

Pissed at the state for cutting off a program, that worked

Pissed that I wouldn’t be here

In this neglected place

I wouldn’t be here to yell, Prod

And set a example for these kids so in need

Of role models

Of an image of some one who is different

An artist

Who is different but whom still is one of them

I couldn’t even look at my girls

The beautiful girl from Ecuador with a voice as deep as mine

Mr. K, you need some help

I looked around at the girl I call biggys wife

Who always reminded me of my daughter

All of these talented and beautiful young people

\who the state just abandoned

And my tears of pain

Turned again to anger

Want to hear some thing funny

Just the other day

My boss and some of us were talking

My boss and the others, said that they always thought

That I was from the south

They all just assumed it because of my manner

My speech.

I smiled when they said that

Because I knew what I had been changing into

My father, my southern, gentleman father

And I was honored

I knew why he had worked so hard

For all of those years to change people lives

Change is good for them

And good for your own soul

A lesion learned

Ok where was I

Ultimately I was a coward

I left before my class came down

I knew I would lose it in front of the class

And like Oprah

Go out when you are top

Keep hope and your legend alive

Fat men crying is not attractive

So I ran and gave my boss a big hug

My boss is the world’s greatest boss

And I knew that if I was hurting

What she must be feeling

But hey she was always stronger than me

Anyway

Boricua

I lost it

Blinded by tears

I hugged my boy

Who is second in command of the program?

He is one of the nicest

Young men I know

I fled

I rocked

I ran

I looked around the neighborhood

For perhaps the last time

And saw how blighted it had become

Noticed the vacant houses for the first time

Noticed how many more people

Looked beat up and dangerous

But these were my people

My folks

I watched the kids play in the street

Almost oblivious to all of the pain,

and suffering That surrounds them

And I thought to myself

If they can survive this

If they can smile

So can I